Commentator Emeritus ?

I started watching cricket on TV before playing it. I started playing only to bat like Sunil Gavaskar (aka “Sunny”, “Little Master” and more recently “Sir”). My incompetence was apparent, to others, soon enough. I soldiered on gamely for a few years and eventually realised the pointlessness and quickly rediscovered the pleasures of what drew me to cricket in the first place. Anyway that story is for another day. Getting back to the matter on hand, passage of time did not make my heart any less fonder for Sunny. He was my cricketing idol and to this day, his name will be the first in my list of an All Time Great XI. But quite perversely, Sunny’s increasingly inane and repetitive commentary may end up being the reason that I decide to stop watching cricket, altogether. Shattered as I was on his retirement as a player, joyous will I be when he does, finally, hang up the mike. Utterly remarkable that a person who performed his first act with such poise and dignity can be reduced to something resembling a caricature in his second. The curtain call has to be louder.

I guess the blame is not his entirely his though. In all fairness, it needs to divvied up equitably between him, the broadcasters and the rest of Sunny’s supporting cast in the “Indian commentary team”.

Firstly, the broadcasters. I fail to see any merit in allowing the commentary team to “work from home”. Bad as they were in their “official” place of work, the stadium, the poor chaps are struggling even more in the quiet, sterile environs of a studio in Mumbai, a few thousand miles away from the venue. Not unlike King Kohli, who needs a stadium packed with spectators, pandemic be damned, to “feed off their energy”. The only possible exception to this overall lethargy is Harsha who will, in all likelihood, get all excited, awestruck and hyperbolic even if asked to provide live commentary for, say, “Patanjali Mahaan Bharat Cud Chewing Marathon”. Someone like Sanjay, on the other hand, gets more excited seeing a photograph of a Duncan Fearnley bat that “Mr. Gavaskar” used in the 1970s rather than focus on his job at hand of keeping the viewers engaged. Not given that he is an acknowledged “cricket nut” and “deeply obsessive thinker of he game”. So much so, he ended up thinking (in the dressing room) more than batting when given a chance to do the real thing all those years back. More on this later in the piece. The regular fix of jingoism and partisanship that, in the enlightened opinion of the broadcaster, Indian viewers will die without, could well be compressed into the abomination called “Extraaaaaaa Innings” (thankfully interrupted every few minutes, yet paradoxically not often enough, by Hema peddling clean water with impossibly red tomatoes as props). Long story short, broadcasters are ill advised to attempt off-shoring given the capabilities of their assembled team. The current delivery model ends up showing Sunny in even poorer light.

Now, let’s address the issues with the supporting cast. I will take the example of Ajay Jadeja and rest my case. By the end of this England series, I expect Ajay to remain standing reverentially, hunched back et al, as a mark of respect when he is on air with Sunny. Depending on desperation for TRPs (in particular, the Extraaaa Innings disaster which no self respecting cricket fan will subject himself/ herself to, notwithstanding the incentives on offer), I will not be at all surprised if matters get completely out of hand and he is shown sitting on the floor while “Sir” is on the sofa. For the life of me, I cannot understand why he insists on referring to Sunny as “Sir”. Even more annoying when all “Sir” can come up with is pearls like “It’s the penultimate over of the day and I am disappointed that K L Rahul isn’t wasting time by asking for a glass of water or from the pavilion or fake an epileptic seizure or anything at all to ensure that the penultimate over ends up being the last over”. Maybe revelatory when you hear it the first time as an 8 year old, but definitely not memorable for anyone even a day older.

Things have come to such a pass that I will hang my head and say it loudly- “Please come back and save us TV viewers Ravi”. All said, Ravi kind of held his own in the company of Sunny. He was confident and self assured. More cunningly, if this indeed happens, it will also allow us to get a real coach for the ( ((“Virat Kohli – R Ashwin) +(any 10 Indians)) = Playing XI ) equation which is currently masquerading as the India XI. Maybe then, the legitimate India XI will start showing up more regularly, winning more consistently and maybe maybe this will help ease the pain and make it seem, and sound, all worth it.

In the meantime, post haste, please either

A. Retire the Commentator Emeritus gracefully; or
B. Change the supporting cast;